When I first opened the doors to this space three years ago, I felt called to share our family’s journey with a child on the spectrum. It was the first time I had really expressed myself and my writing in a public forum, and the idea of sharing my love of storytelling, spirituality, and special needs felt exciting.
But I also felt unsure of myself and, as time went on, my head began to fill with doubts, fears, and questions like:
How much is too much to share?
What if the way I feel about a certain topic changes?
Will this space honor my son and his siblings or will he (and they) be upset with me down the line for sharing our journey in a public way?
Will people judge me for sharing our story? Do people already judge me?
Instead of facing these questions, I started to hide behind posts I felt others wanted me to write until I eventually stopped writing at all. After a few months of crickets, I became aware that the underlying current in all these questions was fear. As this realization was unfolding, I felt a gentle tug toward some of my guiding lights in the blogosphere, and
coincidentally came across this post on simple living from my friend Erica at Let Why Lead. In it she writes about the importance of asking ourselves the tough questions and being open to the answers that those questions reveal.
“When we do the hard work of self-discovery,” she writes, “—the stillness finding and the soul searching—we experience more peace and clarity than we ever felt when we were hustling.”
This so resonated with me that I immediately sat down and began to write – my thoughts, my questions, and my fears. And what I found was that the people-pleaser and the perfectionist in me had pushed so strongly against my inner voice for so long, that I had no idea how to listen to, trust, or share that inner voice.
It was at this point I began seeing a counselor who helped me peel back the layers I had buried myself under, not just recently but for most of my life. As I pressed through those layers, some wonderful things started to happen:
I began feeling less anxious and worried.
I started letting go of the mold I felt I needed to fit into, and let new ideas, realizations, and questions flow in its place.
I started thinking about ways to bring self-care into my life and into my home.
I realized that while asking big questions can feel scary, our ability to question, discover, and learn is one of the greatest gifts God gives us because it allows us to evolve and grow, and, in turn, grow in love with Him and one another.
My hope moving forward is that you will find this space to be a place that encourages self-discovery, living with intention, and patience with yourself and the ones you love as you embrace life and all its wonders. That it will inspire you to ask yourself questions and welcome your inner voice’s answers. And, finally, that you will feel a connection with the Creator as you embrace yourself as a creation – imperfectly beautiful, and, most of all, wonderfully made.